Why are we forever followed by parts of us we sense but don’t know well?
We are complex creatures. Having lived through so many ornate relationships, moments of confusion and overwhelm, and different developmental stages all with various challenges and tasks, most of us have behaviors, tendencies, and protective mechanisms that wield power but fall outside of awareness.
For this reason, it can be befuddling to find ourselves in conflict with others, totally unclear about the causes of this difficulty. One of the great benefits of any truly honest and caring relationship, is that we’ll get to learn more about how we impact others. The healthiest partnerships, or therapeutic relationships, or even those rare friendships with courageous and skillful people, will invariably illuminate the ways we’ve learned to navigate life that might cause problems for others.
Even the most sensitive among us will struggle to see how our protective tendencies impact others. Some of us might be too dominant, others too subservient, some might run around doing everything we can to take care of others (unknowingly irritating others in the process), while others might block out the humanity of their loved ones to privilege their own needs.
The psyche is complex, and there will always be shadow content that only others can see. The question is, are we willing to learn more about it? To risk seeing our own shortcomings, in the spirit of living with more integrity.
What is harder to imagine, before we take the plunge into our shadow, is how freeing it feels to see more of who we are, the good and the bad. Doing so is esteem-enhancing, and will build trust that we have the character to have a close look at who we are, and who we can become.
Seeing Our Own Shadow
