Loss hurts. And some losses feel unbearable.
But when we find ways to hang in there, even turning toward the devastation of loss, new capacities for feeling, for empathy, and compassion emerge.
Because we need others so profoundly, we will all form attachments that make us vulnerable to loss. Love and loss go together. Knowing this, some people protect themselves either by avoiding closeness, or holding on too tightly when it comes around. Either response is fueled by fear. No one wants to suffer the pain of losing warm connections or relationships that have felt like a lifeline.
But when we’re able to stay open to the whirlwind of feelings that come with loss, a surprising tenderness can develop. In this way, loss can tenderize the heart, opening us to the truth of how everyone – at some point – will know the acute suffering of loss. And with this awareness, genuine compassion for oneself and others will grow stronger.
When we avoid the vulnerability of loss, either through skipping past our own grief or minimizing the losses others have suffered, it’s not just pain that will be warded off. There’s so much opportunity for emotional development when we allow ourselves to risk loving and losing others, and to feel the grief consciously when we’re going through times of loss. In this way, conscious mourning is a courageous act. It keeps us in closer connection with ourselves and others.
For more, see my book To Heal a Wounded Heart available on Amazon.
Loss Is One of the Most Painful Experiences, but Also One of the Most Heart Opening
