There are so many reasons why we suffer. The last three years have provided some stark examples: tenuous health, financial insecurity, structural biases, to name a few. But perhaps that most common source of suffering is interpersonal relationship.
If we didn’t need others so profoundly, this would be less problematic. But from the first breath to the last, we need others to offer the experience of recognition, to have another mind holding what might be too much to hold on one’s own. We are relational beings.
Some of us begin this journey with people who may not have a mind that can offer needed room, compassion, and care. When this is so, we’ll need other relationships later in life that help us lift to awareness unconscious beliefs about who we are and how relationships work.
No therapist, mentor, or loved one will offer perfect care. But some will know how to enter into relationship with the respect, curiosity, and boundaries so that a new, and fundamentally more healing experience can emerge.
Lastly, it might be helpful to remember that we have been through a time that reinforced our protective instincts. We isolate in order to survive. If this dovetailed with prior tendencies, I encourage you to stay curious. Notice if there are people or groups with whom you can have the needed experience of being warmly received. Notice if there are relationships that leave you feeling nourished instead of depleted. And notice if there are people who can see you in a way that reflects who you authentically are – someone deserving of love and compassion, unreservedly.
