We all struggle with our emotions. Between despair, rage, envy, and fear, there are endless opportunities for suffering.
And yet, our capacity to feel also allows for empathy, compassion, and love. If we shut down the difficult feelings, the nourishing feelings will grow tepid.
But learning to allow for the full range of emotions without getting swallowed by them, is a slow and complex process. Some people have the blessing of early caretakers equipped with the right combination of patience, flexibility, and tenderness to help their young children slowly begin to map out the full range of feelings, to distinguish disappointment from boredom, anger from sadness, excitement from anxiety. Others may have found themselves doing this hard work on their own.
Whatever the circumstances of our formative years, we all need others to offer support when we’re gripped by feelings we cannot easily manage, or have shut away feelings that seem too threatening to access. We are relational beings.
Learning to dwell with feelings without getting flooded is usually made possible by being with someone who can join us in the feeling while staying steady, open, and curious. Our minds are more resources than we realize. But if we can first have the support of someone else’s spacious mind – a friend, therapist, or mentor – we may come to trust our own capacity to feel whatever arises without fear of losing our inner ballast.
Take it slow. Notice how you’ve learned to navigate the emotional terrain. And with respect, see if it feels tolerable to stay with your feelings just a little bit longer, appreciating the sensitivity and strength you may not have fully recognized until such time.
Dwelling in Feelings without Flooding
